Miscarriage, Part 1
Children who have lost their parents are called “orphans.” Women and men who have lost their spouses are “widows” or “widowers.” But what does one call parents who have lost a child? I’ve pondered this question for the last six months. On August 6th, our first baby died. I don’t say, “We lost a baby” because that makes it sound as though we made a mistake. You lose your keys in your purse or a sock in the dryer, but a miscarriage isn’t a mistake. My husband and I didn’t make a mistake. I also don’t say “our pregnancy ended” because it did not just “end,” like a road or a song or a movie. Our baby died. We found out we were pregnant at four weeks three days. We decided on names and even back-up names in the event that when the child arrived, the names we picked didn’t fit her. We lovingly looked at my still-flat belly testing the names. “You just wait until you get here,” we’d say, and then indulge the earless...