I'm a failure. You had one job, eggs. Stupid, stupid eggs. If had just gotten knocked up in high school, I might know what it's like to hold my own baby in my arms. Maybe God doesn't want me to become a mother. What if I'm never going to hold my own baby in my arms? What if nobody ever loves me like that? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was a rough *ROUGH* day. I woke up so excited and anxious. I have 1st period conference and some of my seniors have that class period off, so they'll come to my room as sort of a study-hall. A student I'll call Suzy was using my classroom for this purpose at the time. I sat at my desk, typing away at lesson plans and grades. Then my phone rang. I was so thrilled. In my mind, there was a 100% chance this was going to be the greatest phone call of my life. All of the anguish was almost over. The emotional and physical pain will all h...
As of Thursday (IVF Day 6), I had *ALL* the symptoms people warn you about with IVF. Exhaustion (I slept 20 hours this past weekend) Swelling (my wedding ring, pants, leggings, shoes- none of it fits anymore) Nausea FEELS. SUCH FEELS. ALL THE FEELS: Angry. Sad. Happy. Anxious. Excited. Paul just held me until I went to sleep because he's the best. But that was only the beginning.... Reasons I've Cried (a .gif story): I didn't recognize Meryl Streep's voice on an audiobook (I cried for 2 hours) Paul sarcastically made a big deal about going to get me a butter knife at a restaurant, and I knew he was being sarcastic, but apparently my hormones didn't My leggings didn't fit this .gif I dropped my key fob getting out of my car I got sick at my stomach while eating some fried chicken and I wasn't able to finish it Brendon Urie singing "I Can Go the Distance" from Disne...
Well here we are. In short? I had some bad eggs. So, I am once again dealing with the guilt of my body being to blame. (I'll say, it's getting harder and harder to love my body when it keeps screwing things up.) BUT. Yes, dear reader, there is a but. Poor egg quality is treatable. "You're born with all the eggs you'll ever have. How can you improve quality?" Welllll...... It's possible to beef up the eggs (๐๐๐๐) My RE (reproductive endocrinologist aka fertility doctor aka baby dust queen) said that she didn't expect poor quality eggs from me. I'm 31. Prime egg years, apparently. She didn't think this would be an issue for me, or else we would have started with this protocol. Prescription: 600mg CoQ10 daily (6 pills) 25mcg DHEA 3x/daily (3 pills) 4mg Folate daily (4 pills) This combo has been shown to act like super-soldier serum when taken for at least three months. Yes, I just comp...
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