Living and Grieving

Purpose:

Since I started this blog, it has evolved. 

Originally, it was a grief diary to journal about my miscarriage experiences. 

Then my mom passed away, and it became a grief diary for that, too. 

But why am I writing? 

Why? 

There are a few reasons. 

Partially? 

1) Telling My Story

Humanity becomes more human through the telling of stories. This past year, I've developed and carried quite a heavy albatross. I  feel the need to tell my story because I have this unbearable need to share it. 

2) Keeping a Record

Someday, I will look back on this time. I don't want to forget any of my experiences or losses. I'm discovering new things about myself every single day of this journey. I want to remember. 

and this is the big one...

3) Educating & Opening Dialogue

We don't talk about grief. Actually, let me rephrase that. We don't talk about living and grieving. In movies and tv shows and books, we see reactions as people grieve, usually within the first year of the loss. Once beyond a certain point-I think that's generally around a year- we are expected to shut up about it. I want to open a dialogue with others about their grief journeys, because losses like that change you.

We don't talk about pregnancy losses. They are so incredibly common: 1 in 4 pregnancies. And while we might see miscarriages in media- Grey's Anatomy, The Time Traveler's Wife, The Help, Masters of Sex- the subject is still largely taboo. 

There are so many questions still left unanswered. 

Among them,

• How do the fathers deal? 
• How does a miscarriage affect later pregnancies? 
• Is it something that should be shared with children? 
• How should medical professionals treat families dealing with this? 
• How should acquaintances and friends and loved ones react?

Over the next year or so, I will address the above questions while also taking you along on my IVF journey. I will discuss how I'm coping with having a baby without my mother's direct guidance. I will do my damnedest to make people talk about this. 

These are conversations that need to happen.

I invite you along on this intimate, personal journey. 

I plan to be real and honest and raw. 

At times, what I'm writing may be difficult to read, but I encourage you to continue on.

I won't sugarcoat or pretend these things didn't happen

This story includes loss and pain. 

But it is so much more than that. 

This is a story of healing and hope.